Finding your spot

Who am I? What am I? Where is my spot?

As I get older, I find it can be difficult to find my place in the world.

Wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, friend, colleague, volunteer, business owner, woman, human ….

I am all of these things, yes but it can be hard to find my spot as things change.

Recently I started swimming at the beach a few mornings a week with my underwear sister (see previous blog: Who is your underwear sister?). We picked a beach that had changing rooms so that we could get dressed after our swim, walk to have coffee, and do the crossword together. On our first foray into the rooms, we were welcomed with open arms by the women who have been swimming daily, some for years. All introduced themselves and introduced us to one and all.

“Welcome!”

“Great to have new people here.”

“Make yourself at home!”

“Oh, but not there, that’s my peg.”

“No, no, that’s where Mary goes.”

“I wouldn’t use that spot, Carol won’t be happy when she gets here.”

Eventually …

“You can go in the middle, you have to earn your peg – maybe once you have swum through winter – that’s what I had to do.”

Hmmm … so welcome yes, but you must earn your spot. To be honest this is all said with humour but there is a definite undercurrent of ‘please don’t take my spot’. So, we dutifully go in the middle, except for the odd mornings when we are a little later, find the change rooms empty, and make good use of those pegs!

It has got me thinking about the comfort and security of finding and keeping your spot. Most of these women are my age or older, when finding and keeping your spot can be tricky at times.

People who needed you daily may not anymore: children grow up and become independent, employers may opt for other, younger employees, and advice is sought elsewhere … it can feel that the world has forgotten that you have skills, knowledge, experience, value … that you have worth. Finding your spot can mean finding your worth.

Of course, finding your spot is not just difficult for those of us who are aging, gracefully or not, but is an issue for all ages. I am the youngest sibling and while growing up my spot was, at times, hard to decipher or to accept – I don’t believe I was valued for my skills, knowledge, or experience then, and probably rightly so. I was, however, loved and still am, which is a spot in itself – beloved youngest sibling ….

All ages and stages have their ‘finding your spot’ time … starting school, leaving school, becoming an adult, starting work, changing jobs, building a relationship, having kids, empty nesting, having grandkids, retiring, losing loved ones ….

Each time we need to rethink, reposition, re-decipher, find, and ultimately accept our spot. And we do it, even though sometimes we may recognise it as a spot. That in itself is reassuring, we have a spot even when we may not realise it.

As I age I know that I have skills, knowledge, experience, and value. I know that I have worth. I know that I have a spot in the world … even if it is in the middle of a beach changing rooms and not a peg … at least not yet, maybe after next winter.